My experiences with the SCEP (Student Career Experience Program)

Parts of this post will be excerpted from something I wrote a number of years ago, when I felt really passionate about the events which transpired.

First of all, for those not in the know, the SCEP is a program designed to recruit students to various governmental agencies. When you are in school, you get a co-op/internship with an agency, working and gaining experience in your respective field. Essentially, they want to hire students who intend to continue working for the agency after they graduate. They have a noncompetitive status to get a permanent position once they finish.

When I was a junior in college, I applied for a SCEP position and got it. I spent my summer working at a wildlife refuge for the US Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS/FWS). All in all, I had a decent, if isolated, experience. Here is an excerpt of a post I made during my second summer working at this field station.

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10 June 2005
Basically, what I've felt since I got here (and last summer too), and most of the time refused to acknowledge, was the sense that the two women who work here disliked me for some reason. Sometimes I thought maybe it's my inferiority complex and am just too paranoid. Well, I came back this summer, once again sensing their chilly attitudes. I tried to tell myself I just need to be friendlier (though I HAVE tried in the past). Anyway, for some reason, the two of them just bring me down, and did I have good reason for it? I was thinking the other day, I have pretty good judge of character, even with people I hardly know. I can't be imagining it. I've met a ton of other FWS staff that I have instantly liked and felt comfortable with, unlike this pair. And from observing their behavior, they seem like people that I would get along perfectly well with, if only they'd give me a chance.

Okay, so where am I getting at? Basically, my supervisor told me the one big problem they have with me is the fact that I am a SCEP student, an internship that is, at the moment, only taking minorities and allows us to get permanent jobs with the USFWS noncompetitively. They think it is unfair that I, a minority "blessed" with this internship, can get a job so 'easily' with them, while they are not allowing people like Andy Smith*, a white male, who has better experience and skills, to get the job (I have actually met Andy and find him an amiable person so I have nothing against him). And apparently, that is the root of their resentment, coolness and dislike for me.

First of all, I would like to say that the FWS is already filled with white males, Andy Smiths and the such. In fact, they are in the majority, next being white females. The pool of interested minorities for FWS jobs is rather small in the first place. What I'd also like to point out is that for my own personal situation, I was raised up in the city. As far away from wild animals and woods as possible. Quite honestly, the only wildlife I grew up with were raccoons, skunks, sparrows, pigeons and some other birds. This being Quincy, which can't compare to Boston, where I can't imagine there being anything other than pigeons and seagulls. I, and probably most other people of color, was raised so far from environments such as where I am now. I was not lucky enough to know how to hunt and fish before I could barely even write a coherent sentence. I'm sorry, but us "minorities" could never compete fairly with all the Andy Smiths in the world who have grown up with much better knowledge of nature and wildlife than we did. In addition, all of my interest and passion in the environment and wildlife came from within myself. My family never took us fishing or hunting. They don't know anything about wildlife. The most environmental thing my mother ever taught me was to not throw my trash out on the streets. Everything I've learned was through reading on my own and classes I have chosen to take in school. On the other hand, people like Andy Smith were raised on a culture of the outdoors. In addition, in terms of schooling, many people of color are from poor communities with poor schools, winding up with less than stellar education and/or attitudes. They don't always wind up in great colleges that are able to give them excellent opportunities and experiences. Now how can all those "minorities" compete with the greater amount of interested white people who have had a much better background and education in this field?

Their [USFWS] greater goal is to eventually hire more people of color to reflect more accurately on this country's demographics. The SCEP (I'm being told) is now being used as an incentive to attract more people of color into this agency. And quite honestly, I never even considered working for the FWS before learning about the SCEP. I even turned down several other cooler internships just to take this one because I knew it was supposed to guarantee me a job when I finished school.

I don't doubt my abilities or my potential to be as good as the Andy Smiths of the world, if I was given the experience. But why do I have to deal with their prejudices against me, just because I am a SCEP student? Why do I have to work harder just for them to like me and treat me as part of the team? If I was just an unpaid intern, not guaranteed a job, but still having the same skills that I do now, I'm sure they wouldn't be as hard on me. Or, if I was a white male in the SCEP, also not as good as Andy, would there still be this animosity? But I guess once again, it comes down to the fact that I am in this "unfair" program, and that is why they choose to be so cold and distant. Why am I to blame for taking an opportunity that was given to me? I didn't choose to be here because I knew I'd get in for the fact I'm Asian. What, do I purposely choose to have to work 20 times harder just to earn their respect because they don't think I'm good enough? Did I choose to be pulled out into the middle-of-nowhere rural white town where I don't know anyone? Where the only people I know are the six members of this staff and half of them hold some unfounded resentment against me and most all of them don't try too hard to make me feel welcome?
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I was so angry that day I made the post. I have since stopped working for the FWS (I chose to go to graduate school instead of taking a permanent position). During my grad school career, I wound up getting another SCEP position, this time with the US Forest Service, training as a fisheries biologist.

There are very few Asian Americans in the conservation/environmental field. The fisheries career is dominated by males (white, obviously). There are very few Asian Americans in this field. There are even fewer Asian American females in the fisheries field. In fact, I don't know of any but I probably just haven't met them yet, right?? -_-

What a lot of people also fail to realize is, when you are a person of color working a in a very non-diverse field, you become a representative for other people who look like you. Colleagues/supervisors will likely judge future potential employees of color based on their first experiences. I guess it's human nature. I think this puts a lot of pressure on those individuals paving the way. Kudos to them. Kudos to me too, right?

I cannot judge everyone else based on my past experience in this program. I was very apprehensive in choosing to come to where I currently work. Bozeman, Montana. Who would've thought I would move to Montana?? I accepted this position, throwing caution to the wind. Even though Montana is the middle of nowhere to me, Bozeman was at least a college town. I was also assured I would not stay here forever. Alas, I have to say I am very glad I made this decision. I was prepared to fend off unfriendly, prejudiced people. I have yet to do so. I have not encountered an unfriendly person at work. Even the local community is exceptionally friendly. People actually look at you, smile and greet you. It hasn't really made a difference how undiverse it is here. People are just nice here. I also really appreciate how great our Fish Team is. My colleagues are awesome. I picked a good one.

*name has been changed

Impacts of colonialism

Today I attended a lecture for the NC State chapter of the International Society of Tropical Foresters. A visiting professor from Chile discussed local forestry practices and university research. Near the end, he made a comment about why some countries have become developed and others have not. For example, noting the difference between the USA and Chile. Many people immigrated to the former and made it a country, whereas people (e.g. Spaniards) went to Chile to "find gold" and left again after sucking all the resources from it. He said it in a joking manner and people laughed. Even I started to, but then I stopped, realizing just how very true, and very unfunny it was. Not that I have such a big stick up my ass that I can't laugh at a joke, it's just when you think of the reality of it and how widespread the effects of colonialism is...it's really just sad.

What makes me even more angry are ignorant people who choose not to enlighten themselves with important details. It disgusts me when I see some of the younger generations of college students spouting off about how places like Africa and South Asia shouldn't be getting aid from the US because they're contributing to overpopulation and should die off. Wow I can't even express how disgusted this makes me feel. What exactly are college students learning today? This one particular individual stating such hateful and ignorant opinions is sadly, also an Asian American. It disturbs me there are people like him, representing people like me. If you're going to have hateful, racist opinions, at least make them less ignorant! Ack! (or is it even possible to be racist and not so ignorant? Maybe not) I know, everyone is free to have their own opinions and rights to free speech. The reality is, when you are a person of color (aka, in the minority), many people will use you as representative of the rest of the people of "your color." Honestly, I believe it is human nature to do so and individuals just have to acknowledge it and learn to react against this instinct. I don't believe in the concept of being "colorblind."

change?

I'm so long overdue for a post, I've a number of unfinished ones and I'll probably never get back to them. Until one day when I finally have my real job and don't have school anymore. In other news:

The Presidential Election 2008? Wow. I'm actually pretty psyched that my vote actually counted towards making North Carolina a blue state this election year. The last time it was Blue was in '76. I'm looking forward to change, and hopefully things will be getting [at least] slightly better. There are some very high expectations for our new President, which, sad to say, is probably much higher than for previous presidents but I hope he does well.

If I...

plucked my eyebrows
got married
stopped voting
wore make up
believed magazines
had a boob job

became nice
quit my jobs
starved myself
had children
dropped out of uni
accepted the double standard
accepted the glass ceiling
didn't tease

calmed down
developed a maternal instinct
welcomed your laws on to my body
styled my hair
was seen and not heard
shaved my legs on a regular basis

didn't say privilege or patriarchy or feminism
wore high heels
turned straight
went shopping
hated my body
wore skirts
shut the fuck up

stopped swearing
fell in love with housework
became illiterate
lost weight
couldn't lift heavy objects
didn't argue
perfumed my twat
became chaste

stopped thinking...
would that satisfy you
(or would you expect fellatio as well?)


[found via the internet-if you know the author, please let me know]
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I'm long overdue, and the posts I had been working on still haven't been finished. Where will I find the time? :/

Reclaiming words

"Nigger" by Nas

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1572287/20071018/nas.jhtml

"I wanna make the word easy on mutha----as' ears," he explained. "You see how white boys ain't mad at 'cracker' 'cause it don't have the same [sting] as 'nigger'? I want 'nigger' to have less meaning [than] 'cracker.' With all the bullsh-- that's going on in the world, racism is at its peak. I wanna do the sh-- that's not being done. I wanna be the artist who ain't out. I wanna make the music I wanna hear.
"We're taking power [away] from the word," he added. "No disrespect to none of them who were part of the civil-rights movement, but some of my n---as in the streets don't know who [civil-rights activist] Medgar Evers was. I love Medgar Evers, but some of the n---as in the streets don't know Medgar Evers, they know who Nas is. And to my older people who don't now who Nas is and who don't know what a street disciple is, stay outta this mutha----in' conversation. We'll talk to you when we're ready. Right now, we're on a whole new movement. We're taking power [away] from that word."
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When I first read the title of that article, I was sure he had a great, awesome explanation for the title of his album. When I read through the article, I just thought, wow, did he seriously say that and does he seriously think it's doing something good? This is only my opinion I know, but I honestly don't believe that we can ever *really* reclaim words.

In trying to make slurs every day words, we are only embracing what they [oppressors] have used to bring us down. We are calling ourselves words that were made up to degrade us, make us less of a person, to devalue our thoughts/opinions/feelings, to make us beneath them.

Bitch, ho, whore, slut, cunt - men use these words to devalue women, to make them undesirable, to take away their power. I HATE when women embrace these words and call one another these terms, whether as friends or in spite. Because no matter how much these words get used, when men use them on us in a vindictive way, it will sting. The power of those words, when used by men, will not go away.

Queer, fag, homo, dyke - there are varying levels of acceptance in reclaiming these words. But honestly, I still see it this way. If one identifies with the queer community in some way and uses these words with one another, they may feel fine...but as soon as a heterosexual person uses these words against them, they will sting and there will be anger.

The same follows with racial slurs that white people have made for people of color. Nas can say "nigger" all he wants, but even if all the black people in the country have made that a "household" word...as soon as a white person uses that word on them in a negative way, there will be anger. Again, the power of that word, when used by white people especially, will not go away. Unless racism magically disappears and people become ignorant of where those words came from (which I can't ever see happening, at least not in my lifetime).

Cracker? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cracker_%28pejorative%29
Cracker was a word probably made up by white people. White people have never been oppressed in this country (except those who were once not considered "white" but have since assimilated). Cracker will never have the same effect because that word was not created along with their oppression (or, lack thereof). Thus, in this country, the word cracker can never be compared to [insert racial slur].

Sometimes it's scary

I'll admit it. When I really think about it, I am really nervous about getting up in front of a giant crowd of "good ol' boys" ...as a young Asian female, talking about my fisheries related research. Am I being racist? No. Realistic? Maybe sometimes, but maybe not always. Self-conscious for sure. I know there are a lot of good people out there who genuinely want to help and see me succeed. Then there are others who just tolerate me because they have to. I have been shunned before by colleagues who merely looked at me and felt I couldn't be good enough, because they assumed I was there because of the color of my skin and I'm female. It's not easy to set aside past experiences and hope that others will not behave the same. On the other hand, I am hoping to see a good amount of POC at the AFS conference in September. And I need to work my ass off making sure this presentation goes above and beyond what people might expect of me, as soon as they see me walk on stage. Oh the pressure.

Some might think I focus too much on skin color, but it's hard not to notice when you're "of color" and everyone else is not. People look at you and always assume there's a possibility of you being born in another country. When white people meet each other, they don't question that they were probably born in America. When white people look at me, "...were you born in this country?" eventually pops up. Just like when I was doing my income tax returns at school, the professor was looking over the final copies and he asked, "are you a citizen?" Just to make sure obviously...but even though I probably speak better English than most (yes, I said it, most) white citizens, you can bet he did not ask a single white kid that question. I'm not bitter but I'm certainly not ignorant and happy-go-lucky about this stuff. That's my rant for the day.

Modern Slavery

What I hate is when people talk about slavery like it ended after the American Civil War and like it never existed anywhere else. I hate being ignorant and I wish I had more time to stop being so. But at least I know one thing, slavery is not history. It is estimated there are more than 27 million slaves in the world today - which is more than there has ever been in history. Yes, there is even chattel slavery, which is very like what most people are familiar with from early American history.

I once described the story of Francis Bok to a friend. He was a young southern Sudanese (aka black African) boy who was captured by a northern Sudanese (aka lighter skinned Arab-Berber) man and enslaved for 10 years...this happened in 1986. The first thing my friend said was, 'wow that sucks, glad I'm in America!' So if you're going to think like that -- the CIA estimates there are over 100,000 people enslaved in the U.S. today, most of them work as domestic, sex, factory, or agricultural slaves. How do they keep them a secret? Who knows...these are people who are brought in from other countries, can't speak English, locked up and are too scared to get help. It happens all over the country.

In 1992, a couple was arrested in my home town for keeping a slave. A 30 year-old graduate student and his wife kept a slave in QUINCY, MASSACHUSETTS. Her name was Vasantha Gedara from Sri Lanka. She worked 13-15 hours a day, they fed her bread and water, she slept in the hallway, they beat her, they stole her passport and threatened to shoot her if she tried to esacpe.

Check out other stories from around the country: http://www.iabolish.org/slavery_today/usa/index.html

Fact sheet:
http://www.iabolish.com/slavery_today/primer/fact_sheet.pdf

For more information:
http://www.iAbolish.com
http://www.antislavery.org
http://www.freetheslaves.net